My title is very much an understatement. Oct 28, 2011 I retired from a surgical practice after 24 years. That in itself made it an emotional day. When you spend 8 hours a day, five days a week with a group of ladies & doctors, you become a family. At least, you do if you were blessed, as I was, to work with and for great people. You leave part of your heart there. I had given a four week notice to give them time to decide how my duties would be carried on & by whom. The excitement and anticipation of being able to be home, spend more time with my husband (who is already retired), get some much needed exercise, and have time to do more for the Lord & my church was growing. Then it happened. What I had never expected.
Two weeks before my retirement, my husband began to have some health issues. Our medical doctor is very persistent and tests were ordered, results questioned, and more tests performed. Less than one hour after my goodbyes to my work family, the most precious person in my life was diagnosed with inoperable hepatocellular carcinoma (liver cancer). If you are ever diagnosed with fatty infiltration of the liver & are told to lose weight, LOSE WEIGHT. The consequences of not taking it seriously can be deadly. There was also a question if the cause was toxic as my husband worked with different chemicals for many years at his employment. So now my retirement takes on an entirely different focus. Of course there are more tests to check other organs of the body. Then there will be the decision of what treatment he will undergo and where. And there was the question he asked first, "How long?" We have the doctor's estimate, but we know it is all up to God.
Our God is truly amazing. He knew when I decided (or at least I thought I was the one deciding) it was time to leave a job I loved, that I would have much more important things to do. He knew I would need every second possible to spend with the man I've been married to for over 43 years. He knew that my husband would need me far more than any employer ever could. God's timing. Although my heart is breaking at the thought of losing the man I love, I have to accept that God is in complete control of our lives, and even now He could choose to heal him completely. I do believe that God still heals. But no matter the outcome, I know that Jesus will give us the strength we need to get through whatever might come.
A precious friend who has been through chemotherapy & irradiation for lymphoma told me that before she went for each visit, procedure, infusion/treatment, she repeated Psalm 71:16 "I go in the strength of the Lord God...." I shared that with my husband. I hope it comforts him. It has already conforted me.
So to answer the most asked question after one retires - "Is retirement what you expected?" - the answer is an emphatic NO. It's not what I expected, but it's God's timing.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Clinging To God
This has been one of the most trying weeks of my life. Can't go in to details at this time. Later I will share.
I know we have all had times in our lives when we just wanted to get alone somewhere, in the middle of nowhere, and cry till we had no tears left, but for one reason or another we couldn't afford ourselves that luxury. You have to trust me that I've had to cling to God for the past few days. We have all seen a little child, whether ours or someone else's, clinging to the legs of his/her mommy or daddy. That's what it's been like for me. Honestly, I can picture me so small with my arms wrapped around His legs, His bare feet showing beneath His robe. There is fear in my eyes, desperation, as I look up to Him for comfort. He looks down at me, and gently touches my hair. I can see the answer to my question in His eyes. I'm not meant to immediately understand the reasons for or timing of some events in my life. He will show me when He feels I'm ready to see. That's really all I need for now. One step at a time, as He holds my hand.
I know we have all had times in our lives when we just wanted to get alone somewhere, in the middle of nowhere, and cry till we had no tears left, but for one reason or another we couldn't afford ourselves that luxury. You have to trust me that I've had to cling to God for the past few days. We have all seen a little child, whether ours or someone else's, clinging to the legs of his/her mommy or daddy. That's what it's been like for me. Honestly, I can picture me so small with my arms wrapped around His legs, His bare feet showing beneath His robe. There is fear in my eyes, desperation, as I look up to Him for comfort. He looks down at me, and gently touches my hair. I can see the answer to my question in His eyes. I'm not meant to immediately understand the reasons for or timing of some events in my life. He will show me when He feels I'm ready to see. That's really all I need for now. One step at a time, as He holds my hand.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Peace In The Midst Of The Storm
I wonder how many posts have been made on blogs about Hurricane Irene? I'm going to add mine as well. No pictures (although I have some), just thoughts.
We all probably have different views of the fierce lady who visited North Carolina & the states north of us. She left her mark on the homes & lives of many people, many of my friends. My heart goes out to each of them and my prayers are with them all.
As a child we lived in a flood zone. When a hurricane was coming into our area, we would put our furniture up on cement blocks, saw horses & planks, anything to keep it out of the river water's reach. Then we would stay with relatives who lived in a higher area till the storm was over. I was so afraid back then, but never once did the water come into our home. It had flooded that area many times before we moved there. It has flooded it many times since we lived there, and during the hurricanes Bertha & Fran it devastated the area. I don't know why God held back the waters when He did. I don't know why He released them when He did. That is for His infinite wisdom.
I was really not afraid during this storm, even though there are some huge trees next door to us. Irene just seemed to go on and on. Her relentless pounding! I stood in the doorway between my kitchen and living room, looking out the back windows at the sweeping rain, every tree & bush in sight swaying. I have to tell you, I was mesmerized. I don't even know how long I stood there, lost in the power of what was going on all around me. Even though the trees were being whipped by wind & rain, there was almost a gracefulness to their motion. I'm sure there are many who would say if I'd seen it from their view, I wouldn't feel that way. I'm sure they are right. But from where I stood, it was an awesome thing to see. I knew that God was in control. I knew that only three words were needed, "Peace, be still." You may be asking yourself, "Why didn't God speak them?". Oh, but He did. He spoke them to me. My soul was completely at peace.
I don't know what the next storm might bring, and there will be more storms. If you choose to live in eastern North Carolina you will go through storms. No matter what the outcome, I only need those three little words to calm my soul in the midst of the storm. "Peace, be still."
We all probably have different views of the fierce lady who visited North Carolina & the states north of us. She left her mark on the homes & lives of many people, many of my friends. My heart goes out to each of them and my prayers are with them all.
As a child we lived in a flood zone. When a hurricane was coming into our area, we would put our furniture up on cement blocks, saw horses & planks, anything to keep it out of the river water's reach. Then we would stay with relatives who lived in a higher area till the storm was over. I was so afraid back then, but never once did the water come into our home. It had flooded that area many times before we moved there. It has flooded it many times since we lived there, and during the hurricanes Bertha & Fran it devastated the area. I don't know why God held back the waters when He did. I don't know why He released them when He did. That is for His infinite wisdom.
I was really not afraid during this storm, even though there are some huge trees next door to us. Irene just seemed to go on and on. Her relentless pounding! I stood in the doorway between my kitchen and living room, looking out the back windows at the sweeping rain, every tree & bush in sight swaying. I have to tell you, I was mesmerized. I don't even know how long I stood there, lost in the power of what was going on all around me. Even though the trees were being whipped by wind & rain, there was almost a gracefulness to their motion. I'm sure there are many who would say if I'd seen it from their view, I wouldn't feel that way. I'm sure they are right. But from where I stood, it was an awesome thing to see. I knew that God was in control. I knew that only three words were needed, "Peace, be still." You may be asking yourself, "Why didn't God speak them?". Oh, but He did. He spoke them to me. My soul was completely at peace.
I don't know what the next storm might bring, and there will be more storms. If you choose to live in eastern North Carolina you will go through storms. No matter what the outcome, I only need those three little words to calm my soul in the midst of the storm. "Peace, be still."
Saturday, July 2, 2011
The Eyes
Each of us has a sense of longing within. We usually see so many people in a days time, each with a longing within their soul. Do we look at the people we encounter each day? I mean really look at them? Do we look at the clothes or the skin and immediately decide that we know all we need to? Do we look at the eyes? Looking into the eyes is taking a risk. The eyes tell so much about the longing within. It's safer not to look, not to know. If we don't look, we won't be moved. If we aren't moved, we won't have to act on what we've seen or feel guilty for doing nothing.
More often than not, I am surely the most guilty of this very thing. However, a few months ago I met a lady who had recently lost her son. In her eyes I saw all the pain that she was trying to keep inside. I saw the longing to just understand. I saw the need for reassurance that her son was in the arms of Jesus. I had actually met this lady before - when she was carrying that child within her. Here she was before me 23 years later. Her eyes locked onto mine and my heart locked onto hers. I put my arms around her and cried with her. Not a huge thing. Just a few minutes of my day. If I had not taken the risk of looking into her eyes, I would have missed a most precious moment in time.
Today as you go your way, take the time to look at those you meet. Don't pass by with downcast eyes. Take the risk of seeing what's before you. You may find that the greatest blessing will be yours.
More often than not, I am surely the most guilty of this very thing. However, a few months ago I met a lady who had recently lost her son. In her eyes I saw all the pain that she was trying to keep inside. I saw the longing to just understand. I saw the need for reassurance that her son was in the arms of Jesus. I had actually met this lady before - when she was carrying that child within her. Here she was before me 23 years later. Her eyes locked onto mine and my heart locked onto hers. I put my arms around her and cried with her. Not a huge thing. Just a few minutes of my day. If I had not taken the risk of looking into her eyes, I would have missed a most precious moment in time.
Today as you go your way, take the time to look at those you meet. Don't pass by with downcast eyes. Take the risk of seeing what's before you. You may find that the greatest blessing will be yours.
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Beauty Of It All
Have you ever just stepped out into the beauty of this world and been truly overwhelmed by it? Sometimes I find it breath-taking. The brilliance of a huge white cloud on a canvas of pure blue. It seems to be frozen in time and I'm frozen in that moment with it. I find myself searching for the face of the Creator.
What the Garden must have been like! Peace, beauty beyond anything we've seen. To walk in the cool of the evening & commune with our God. Sometimes I feel I have a glimpse - just a glimpse - of the peace that was there before evil abounded.
But Evil did enter and things were not as clear as before. Our view of God's promises became obscured by the weight of our sins. Death invaded our world. Even then the Light beckoned us to focus on Him. Oh, but it's so much harder to find when Evil goes before.
The day will come when, like the rays of the sun breaking behind the cloud, His love will break through the darkness we've become. Be ready when the Light breaks.
Until that glorious day arrives, give praise to Elohiym! Hold on to the beauty of it all; for now, it's all we have.
(After reading this please go back & double click to enlarge each picture to full page, to see the full effect of my intention in using each one & to marvel at the beauty our God has given us until He returns.)
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Looking Up
Lately I have become absolutely fascinated with clouds. Not like when I was little, trying to find animal shapes in every one I saw, but in the simple beauty of each one. Like snowflakes each one is unique. I first began really paying attention when I was leaving church one evening & the clouds over the steeple were breath-taking.
So began my real love for God's day 2 creation, "And God called the firmament Heaven." Genesis 1:8a. I began taking pictures of anything interesting I saw in the sky. Sometimes I look at the sky and I can almost hear the trumpet call. "For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God; and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord." I Thessalonians 4:16, 17.
Not all clouds are fair & peaceful. Some are dark and angry. My mind's eye goes to God's judgment, for I Thessalonians 4:16, 17 speaks of the redeemed of the Lord. What of those who are not caught up with Him in the air at the trumpet's call? Do not be deceived into the mindset that a God of love would never bring His wrath on those He created. He is the God of love, but also the God of righteous judgment. "And the seventh angel poured out his vial into the air; and there came a great voice out of the temple of heaven, from the throne, saying, It is done. And there were voices, and thunders, and lightnings;" Revelation 16:17, 18a
But I am secure in the promise of Jesus, "In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." John 14:2,3
So I will keep looking up, anticipating. I think I am beginning to long for home.
WHEN A CLOUD VANISHES IT IS GONE
MUCH LIKE THE LIFE OF MAN
THE CLOUD MOVED BY THE BREATH OF GOD
LIFE GUIDED BY HIS UNSEEN HAND
Shirley S. Jerome
Copyright 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
In The Trash Bag
Didn't realize it had been so long since I posted on my blog. Just haven't been in the blogging mode, I guess. Now that I'm here?????
Took a week off from work to do some much needed craft clean out, throw out, pass on to others. Was quite proud of myself that I was really able to let go of so much, but still more to do.
Funny what you learn about people by what they save. What do you hang onto? I hear people say they never keep anything they don't use all the time. I can't imagine that. I'm one of those mothers/grandmothers that still has the kindergarten announcements for each child & grandchild. I know one day they, too, will go in the trash bag. But not now. Not yet. It makes me smile to read the little stories and poems, even though the thoughts were all jumbled together. I touch the locks of hair from each of my children & see their little faces before the locks were cut. I run my hand across the leather cover of my daddy's Bible and remember when we gave it to him. I read the handwritten poems in my mother's notebook and long to talk to her. I hold my granddaddy's wire rim glasses & picture his children gathered around him while he reads the Bible. These little things have made me who I am. They will be handed down to those I leave behind. Then it will be up to them to decide which memories go in the trash bag. I can imagine the roll of the eyes & the "Gee, thanks Mom." I think God will let me look down on that, and with a little chuckle I'll say. "Oh, you're sooo welcome."
Took a week off from work to do some much needed craft clean out, throw out, pass on to others. Was quite proud of myself that I was really able to let go of so much, but still more to do.
Funny what you learn about people by what they save. What do you hang onto? I hear people say they never keep anything they don't use all the time. I can't imagine that. I'm one of those mothers/grandmothers that still has the kindergarten announcements for each child & grandchild. I know one day they, too, will go in the trash bag. But not now. Not yet. It makes me smile to read the little stories and poems, even though the thoughts were all jumbled together. I touch the locks of hair from each of my children & see their little faces before the locks were cut. I run my hand across the leather cover of my daddy's Bible and remember when we gave it to him. I read the handwritten poems in my mother's notebook and long to talk to her. I hold my granddaddy's wire rim glasses & picture his children gathered around him while he reads the Bible. These little things have made me who I am. They will be handed down to those I leave behind. Then it will be up to them to decide which memories go in the trash bag. I can imagine the roll of the eyes & the "Gee, thanks Mom." I think God will let me look down on that, and with a little chuckle I'll say. "Oh, you're sooo welcome."
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