She Was My Daughter

I never thought I would post this on my blog or anywhere else, for that matter. Frankly, I'd hoped I would not live long enough to see it. On August 28, 2024, the day before her 55th birthday, my oldest child was diagnosed with the same type of cancer her dad died of in 2012 at age 65. He lived 5 months after his diagnosis. There was no cure, but perhaps there was hope of more time with her through a certain procedure. Unfortunately, they discovered it would do her more harm than good. 

My daughter was blessed with an amazing strength of character. She wanted to carry on with her life normally for as long as possible. We fully expected her to be with us for three to five more months. She continued working as a legal assistant with a law firm. She loved her job. She had such a strong work ethic and love for those she worked with and for. She had a very calming effect on many of their clients. It was just her way. She could listen, really listen, and put people at ease, even at their worst moments. That's a true gift. One very few people lay claim to.

After two short hospital stays, she eventually had to cut her working hours and then her days. She had planned to work on Thursday and Friday. On Wednesday, she was scheduled for a consultation with the oncologist regarding immunotherapy. However, on Tuesday night, 10/29, she became gravely ill. She was rushed to the university medical center and given a blood transfusion. Wednesday morning she seemed better. Her husband went home long enough to take care of their pets, and then returned. Shortly after, she took a drastic downward turn. At 6:05 p.m. on 10/30/2024, with all her family there, she slipped away.

She was the mother of three adult daughters, married to a man she truly loved and who loved her. A man who took on two daughters not his by blood, but his in every other way, and together they had a third daughter. She was a loyal friend. She was the sister to two siblings, a sister and a brother. She was my first-born. She was my daughter, 

In June of 2004 I wrote a poem about her life and gave it to her on Christmas Eve. With God's help I will read that poem at her memorial service next week. Tonight as I lay reciting that poem over and over in my mind, I thought of how God moves in our lives, yet we don't see till afterwards, sometimes years afterwards. I had no idea in 2004 when I wrote of events in my daughter's life and her amazing strength, that in 2024 I would see that strength played out more than ever  in the last two months of her life. God goes before us.                                                                              11/1/2024

Dear Anonymous

I may not know your name. I may not know where you live. I may not know the circumstances of your birth. I may not know if you live a life of privilege or want. I may not know what events have occurred in your life to bring you to where you are now. What I want you to know is that I care and I am not the only one who does.

You feel hopeless, don't you? Because of your choices. Like there is no use trying anymore? Like you will never be able to resist the demon that has you addicted? Those are lies straight from the pit of hell. You were created by a God who loves you and has plans for your life. As long as you are breathing, hope remains. So keep breathing. You were not meant to be a slave to addiction. I know that first time, and even the next and the next, was your choice and I know you regret it. Did you start with something you thought was harmless? Something you would be able to control? Marijuana maybe? Or perhaps a beer? It would just help you relax, forget, or so you thought. Did you find that you needed it more and more frequently? Did it lose its allure because it no longer had the effect you wanted or needed? Did you look for something more, something stronger? It was readily available, too, wasn't it? Now it has you trapped and you feel there is no way out. I want you to realize there is a way out.

Addiction, whether it be to drugs or alcohol, does not have to claim your soul and life. There is a power greater than that which enslaves you. It is found in Jesus Christ. That is your first step. Some will only need to take that one step to be set free. Others will struggle and battle for years to come, maybe a lifetime. Much of that will depend upon what the addiction is. But after taking that first step, they will never battle alone. Maybe your family had to choose to let you go because of the danger to those you love and who love you. That does not mean they have stopped hoping that you will be able to overcome. It does not mean they do not care.

I implore you to take the first step in turning to Christ. Then take the next step in seeking medical treatment. This is not going to be an easy journey. It will be the hardest journey of your entire life, but it is a journey you will not regret. It could save your soul, your life, your family. That is so worth the struggle.

Maybe you are asking yourself why I would care or write this letter to you. I care because you are worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT! In the past two weeks two young adults who had taken that first step and turned to Christ, but who still struggled, succumbed to their addictions. They left behind grieving families and friends. Wives, children, parents, all questioning what more could they have done or what could they have done differently. I pray God will bring them peace for they did the best they could. I also pray that when they are strong enough, they will use the story of their husband/sons to reach out to others who battle addiction. There could be no greater honor to their loved ones than to possibly prevent another from meeting the same end.

One thing we as Christians must do is let those who are struggling know we are supporting them. Not by enabling them, but by praying and helping to hold them accountable. Our churches must do a better job of reaching out to the struggling, mentoring and discipling. We cannot accept the sin, but we can offer hope to the sinner. We may need to give up time we planned to spend elsewhere to just listen. Not all are qualified to counsel or become directly involved, but we can pray. We can care. We can be the link to the first step.

And to the dear anonymous who has not yet crossed that line, don't! Both the young men I mentioned would tell you, if they could, don't ever let there be a first time.

Fiery Darts And Battles

Do any of you ever feel that Murphy's Law has hit you in the face? I sure have.

Lately it seems that Satan's minions have been attacking me on all sides. You know that old sneaky rascal knows all about us. We always love to imagine our guardian angel hovering over us with fluttering wings. God does most certainly send us protection, but have you ever thought about it from the other side? You see, Satan is not omnipresent or omniscient like our God. Satan needs some help to figure us out. So his demons watch us. They learn our weaknesses, the weaknesses of our family members, our strengths, our habits, everything that may be useful to them. They even know what things we love to do in service to God,  preachers, teachers, vocalists, musicians, custodians, flower arrangers; you get the picture. For some it is all they are physically or financially able to do to make it to church each week. Satan knows. These are the things he will use to attack us. The things that mean the most to us are the things he wants to destroy, in hopes that it will destroy us too. He also knows that because we are adopted into God's kingdom, he can only go so far. He will use every bit of knowledge of us and time he has to do as much damage as possible. 

Don't think it is hopeless! Don't give up when you feel like the struggle isn't worth it, for there is a battle raging that we don't see. God thinks we are worth fighting for. In that realm that we are not privileged to see, God is at work, too. Some of the fiery darts may get through. They may find their marks, but the battle isn't over. We cannot, however, go about our lives haphazardly and expect God to do all the work. We must prepare for battle ourselves. We must pray up, read up, listen up, and step up. If God thinks we and our families are worth fighting for against the powers of darkness, shouldn't we? We have the armor needed. So raise your shields, Christians, because the battle still rages!

Spoken Words Shattered Examples

A few years ago I attended a funeral visitation for a family member of a friend. There were many people coming and going. I was standing near a young couple who weren't aware I was there. I listened as they made a caustic comment when a minister walked in. Apparently he had not arrived as soon as this couple thought he should have. No sooner were the words out of the mouth, when the speaker realized I was standing there. They quickly tried to cover the sarcasm that was in that remark.

My first reaction was a touch of anger, indignation, and I am sure my response made it clear I had caught the harshness of the remark. That minister was not their pastor, or the pastor of the deceased, or even of the family, but was a friend of the extended family. Yet he made time to be there. No one knew what responsibilities delayed him. I am not sure it would have mattered.

I have thought about that incident many times since. Although the reactions of these two individuals were not representative of the Christian lives they normally display, I find it is all too common among the body of Christ. I, myself, am just as guilty as they of speaking before thinking. It seems I practice "Open mouth, insert foot" far too often. The old man seems to fight to rise up in us even though Christ died to defeat him. While making every effort to be loving to the unsaved, Christians can be quite unkind to each other. We expect perfection from spiritual leaders when there will never be perfection on this earth. Sometimes jealousy of a successful work for God rears its ugly head. We expect our Christian friends to never offend, whether intentional or unintentional. It is reactions like these that cause nonbelievers to shake their heads and say, "See what I mean?" We are guilty, Sisters and Brothers, of letting our personal likes and dislike overrule the love we are commanded to have for the Brethren. Personalities will sometimes clash, but this should never hold precedence over our love for each other.

Our time on this earth is short. Do we really want to spend it harboring buried hurts or bickering with each other over the unimportant? Much time and Scripture was dedicated to addressing this very thing. If God felt it was important enough to warn us in Scripture, He will not hold us unaccountable.

When Loyalty Is Not Enough

We all have so much going on in our lives today. We rush here and there to do the things required of us totally unaware of the forces that are working to upset it all. Satan never gives up. He is the master of upsetting our plans, our relationships, and, when we allow, our spiritual walk with Christ. I have an old VHS movie about a young Christian who finds a pair of glasses and when he puts those glasses on he is able to see the actual demons as they plot in the lives of his family and friends, as well as his own life. We say, "It is just a movie, like science fiction." That would be true as far as having a pair of glasses that lets you see that, but the plot is no joke. It plays out every second of every day. Satan can be like a hole covered by grass that you don't know is there until you step into it and lose your balance.

Have you ever felt this in your relationships? Maybe with your spouse or a friend? It is so subtle you never saw it coming. Totally clueless. You are unwavering in your loyalty so there should never be any question. Right? What about when loyalty is not enough? How do we prepare for that? When the hole that we just stepped into was not dug by us? It was caused by an erosion that we weren't aware was happening.

For certain, Satan fills our lives with these grass covered dips. We can't go around always looking down, looking for holes, metaphorically speaking. Life goes on. It is not a question of are there holes to step into or are we going to step into them today. The question is how will we recover. How will we go forward when loyalty has not been enough?

I am thankful to say that I had over 43 years of marriage before my husband's home-going. Loyalty was never a problem in our marriage. However, we have all had circumstances arise that changed the courses of our lives. People we thought would always be there who no longer are. Places we loved and yet had to leave. So we fill in as many holes as we can even if we didn't create them. God has a way of turning things, but maybe not back to where they were. He uses many incidents of wrong to lead us to something better. To a new direction. To a closer walk with Him.

Keep your integrity intact. Keep your loyalty in place. Trust God always.

Almost Home

Today I had an appointment in a town about one and a half hours drive. After the appointment I started the long drive home. That distance seems to get longer each time I have to drive it. I had my radio tuned to my favorite Christian radio station and I was singing along, but I was weary today.

With most trips there is a midway point or town where you feel you can make the rest of the journey. For me that is a town 22 miles from my home. Today when I reached the center of that little town I spoke aloud and with a sigh of relief, 'Almost home'. After speaking those words I began thinking what they meant. Of course, pertaining to this trip they meant I had reached that point I have just described. These words hold such a deeper meaning. Almost home. As a Christian these words mean that we are very close to heaven. I am not a fatalist. Only God knows when our appointed time is to leave this world. I have no plan to leave tomorrow. I believe God still has much for me to do here. Still, I think of the decline of our society in every respect and do look forward to a home without all the perversion, hate, irreverence for the One True God, disappointments, and weariness.

At church we are finishing a lengthy study on the book of Revelation. If you have read Revelation you understand the statement made so often by Christians, "We know how the Book ends.". Studying the splendor of what awaits the child of God can make you homesick. It is beyond our finite minds to even imagine the marvelous place Christ has prepared for us. That is my home, my true home.

Almost 2 weeks ago a woman jumped from a bridge in my town into the cold river waters below. A gentleman had stopped and tried to talk her down. To his horror, she chose to jump and end her life. Each day the rescue boats go out searching for her. We have had some bad weather lately which has hampered that search. I have been at the docks when these trained rescue personnel return and the heaviness is always evident. It has made me realize how precious life is and yet how frail it is. No doubt this lady had heavy burdens as well as depression. Even though she could not accept it, she was loved by her family and friends. The path we take is ours to choose. The results of our choice will affect the lives of our families, friends, coworkers, and even strangers.

Considering this recent event and also the realization that my destination is secure in the Lord, Almost Home seems quite near. I have reached that point where I know I can make the rest of the journey. Whether it be with my next breath or in many more years, Almost Home beckons. I wait for His call. I do not plan to go ahead of Him, but I wait. I continue to say and believe I am Almost Home.

The Piano

This was my after Christmas present to myself. It is not a new piano. I bought it from a friend. I have wanted another piano for so long.

When I was 10 years old I took lessons from one of the sweetest ladies. Her name was Mattie Mae Sanford and she lived in a little town only 2 miles from where I lived. She taught me the basics and then because of her influence I developed a love for classical music. One day she told me to bring a church hymnal and she began teaching me strictly from that. The first hymn I learned to play was Love Divine. I took lessons at 7:30 in the morning. My mother would take me to Mrs. Mattie Mae's house and after my lesson I would walk to school with some of my classmates that lived in town. I remember my recital. It was quite an affair for a poor little country girl. Most of the girls wore long gowns and my mother made mine. It was blue taffeta with netting over the skirt. The night before the recital Mama rolled my hair up in paper. That's right. She cut strips from a paper bag and it was done much the same as rolling hair for a perm except she would twist the ends of the paper together to hold it. She covered it with a scarf for me to sleep in. I imagine sleeping on one of those walnut shell pillows would sound about the same as my paper curlers. I still have the picture of me sitting at Mrs. Mattie Mae's grand piano in my gown and my curls standing out 3 inches from my head, but I thought I was beautiful. I only took lessons for less than 2 years. Not because I was no longer interested, but because we moved 65 miles away. I was so shy I could not bear to start lessons with someone else. I have always regretted that decision.

My first piano was an old upright, but I loved that thing. I didn't mind practicing. I enjoyed it. About a year after we moved, my mother sold the old upright for $50. I hated to see it go, but I knew I would probably never take lessons again.

When my daughters were near the age I had been when I started lessons, I bought them a brand new studio piano. I remember going to Fuller Music in New Bern to chose one. He showed me some very pretty ones, but I did not want them. He asked me why and I told him I knew the longer the strings, the better the tone. He said I was right. You see, my teacher taught me more than just how to play.
Practicing for my girls was not the enjoyment it had been for me. My oldest lost interest first. She even managed to jam her finger playing volley ball and was unable to play in her recital. My youngest daughter did play in the recital and did very well, but she too soon lost interest. I held onto that piano for years. I could still remember the right hand notes and I would play around with it. My girls told me I should be the one taking lessons. It was one thing to spend the money for my girls to learn but I didn't feel I could waste it on myself. So in my oldest daughter's senior year of high school I sold it, but certainly not for $50.

Later I thought I would enjoy a keyboard. Just something to pick out choir notes on. After telling my husband what I wanted for Christmas, and taking my girls to look at it so they would be sure to take him to the right one, I got my keyboard. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't like having a piano and I had to keep it in the bedroom. There really wasn't enough room for it. M youngest grandson would always sit down and try to play it when he came over, so I eventually gave it to him.

So began my long hiatus with no musical instrument. As most of you know, my husband died in 2012. I thought often of how I would like to have another piano, but just couldn't justify the expense. A friend began advertising hers on Facebook. I honestly don't know how long she had it up for sale. I even told her that if only I had the money I would love to have it. Then I just let it go. Many months went by and finally one day I contacted her to see if she had sold it & how much she was asking for it. It had not been sold and I felt the price was fair. I wasted no time checking with my son to see if he could pick it up for me. He said he could and I asked some men from church to help. So that is the story of my new-to-me piano. It sits in the same place as my last piano. It is as if the area was never without one.

Now what to do with that piano? Did I just want to use it to pick out our choir notes? Not really. I wanted to play it, to enjoy it. God seems to make a way when we think there may never be one. We have a number of ladies at church who play beautifully and teach piano. Any of them would have been a great choice, but I held back. Then I attended our Christian school's Christmas program. One young lady played a solo on the piano and they told who her instructor is. I knew this lady could play but I didn't know she also taught. I remember saying to myself, "Hmmm" and I knew right then that I would ask her if she would teach me. She had just recently undergone surgery and was recovering. I jokingly told her to get better because I needed her to teach me how to play. She in turn asked if I was serious. Oh yes, I was serious but there was no rush. So later today will be my second lesson. I will be 67 years old in a few months. My hands don't work the way they did when I was 11. I practice faithfully. Not because I have to, but because I love to. I never would have thought after 55 years that I would again be taking piano lessons. My mother would be proud. I will never be the pianist I could have been had I continued my lessons throughout those years I missed. But I will play again for God has made a way.

Prayer Revival

Our church has been experiencing a prayer revival. Have you ever heard of one or been a part of one? I had not. Never in my 51 years as a Christ follower. It was not really planned ahead to become what it has. We were expecting something, but not this.

Twice a year we have revival services. Some may not be familiar with that. We have a guest speaker, another minister, come in for about 4-5 services and preach. It is a time of renewal for the members and usually a time of salvation for the lost. Normally the week before the services begin, we have special prayer time focusing on the guest minister and the moving of the Holy Spirit within the services. For years we had people designate a time they would come to the church to quietly pray. Last year, as well as opening the church, we had cottage prayer meetings at different homes. This time has been different. Not only where and when we prayed, but how we prayed.

Services were to begin on November 8th. The week prior, beginning on November 1st, we began praying in earnest for a moving like we had never seen before. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday through Saturday we had multiple groups meeting in homes, different areas on our campus,and at various times of the days and evenings. We cried out for something different, something that would remain past the meetings with the guest speaker. On Wednesday night, our regular Bible study time, we had prayer instead of study. On Sunday we were looking forward to the beginning of our services. That was not to be. The guest speaker had tragically lost several members of his family and needed to remain to conduct funerals and support his loved ones. So our revival services were delayed for another week.

Our pastor knew God had begun moving in the hearts of our people and he did not want this momentum to change. Neither did we. Instead of the preaching services we expected to have Sunday through Wednesday nights, we met at the church to continue praying. We poured ourselves out before God and bathed the altar in tears. We had more in attendance for these meetings than we normally have for the actual revival services. One of the most moving things has been the participation by our youth, especially our teens. Each night they have filled pews and bowed before God. The remaining days and nights, prayer groups would meet as we did the week before. We also committed to each pray an hour a day on our own. It has been an awe inspiring thing to be a part of! God has met with us each time. We will be ready to receive what God has prepared for us next week.

I normally have a hard time kneeling for more than a few minutes due to previous back surgeries, but God has allowed me to kneel for our meetings with no pain or numbness in my legs. When I arrived at church Wednesday night, there were only a couple of people already in the sanctuary. The lights were low and soft Christian music was playing. As I opened the sanctuary door, it seemed the Spirit of God rushed to greet me and my eyes filled with tears. Please do not think this is just a temporary emotional experience. It is emotional, but it is much deeper than that. This is a real moving of the Spirit within our people.

So you may be wondering what these prayers were like. Not what you would expect probably. They were not flowery words that would impress anyone. They were simple words of praise for a merciful God and pleas for Him to change our hearts, our lives, our service to Him. There are many gifted orators who can deliver prayers that impress men. All too often this type of prayer does not move us spiritually and I fear does not move God at all. This does not mean that all gifted orators pray without feeling, for I know those who pray straight from their hearts, but even for them this was different. Prayers that usually come controlled, came as cries of desperation. It is hard to explain just how different this has been. I wish you could be there. I pray that God will give each of you a prayer revival, individually and as a church body. I ask that if you are a Christ follower, that you lift up my church family, that what God has begun Satan will not be able to penetrate.

A Place of Refuge

There is a park in my town where I love to go to sit in my car next to one of the two rivers that meet but do not mix. It is a peaceful place, a place I call my refuge. I have been there when the water was as smooth as glass, when it gently washed ashore in small ripples, and when the winds angrily pushed the foamy waves forward reaching out for those of us brave enough to sit and watch. I have seen it with frozen edges and snow covered sand. I have seen it flooded from storms, so much so that I was blocked from entering by vehicle. I have never seen it when it was not beautiful. I have never been there when I did not feel God's presence. Sometimes I just sit and watch the people who come to feed the ducks and geese. Sometimes I take photographs. I always find it the most perfect place to pray and listen for the voice of God. No, I do not hear Him audibly, but I hear Him in the beauty of this place and He speaks to my heart. Here I am assured that He will calm life's raging waves.

There is a lone tree standing there in the sand. It has endured much as it keeps watch over the waters beyond. It's gnarled roots are becoming more and more exposed as recent storms have washed away more of their protective covering. Today I thought of how those roots resemble fingers, curled and digging into the sand, refusing to give up its grip. It is a powerful image. It reminds me that we, too, sometime have to dig in and hold on. Life is not always smooth or gentle. Sometimes it is angrily rushing at us, attempting to wash us away with its cares and burdens. We must not lose faith in the One who created all and controls all. We must continue to tighten our grip, to hang on, to refuse to relinquish even a fraction of our hope in Him. 

As many of you cannot visit my place of refuge, I would like to share two pictures. Would love to share more but just not enough room.

A beautiful day

Holding on  10/29/2015

America The Compassionate

I once knew a WWII veteran who had strong feelings about the American response to returning Desert Storm veterans. These young men and women of Desert Storm were treated as heroes. Our country made every effort to show them gratitude and respect and not repeat the horrific mistake made by so many when our Vietnam veterans returned home. This man felt, due to the superiority of weaponry of the United States, the men returning were not heroes in comparison to those of WWII. I have to tell you that I was shocked. I would never have imagined a veteran could feel that way about other veterans, regardless of the tremendous improvements in defensive and offensive weaponry. Men and women had died during Desert Storm. Many had permanent injuries, as this WWII veteran had. This man had a grandson who was also a veteran. In my shock I asked, "Let me ask you something. If" your grandson "was one of those veterans returning from Desert Storm, would you feel the same way?" I could tell this question hit him really hard. He hesitated only a moment and then, with a little smile, said "No." Please do not feel that I did not have the utmost respect for this gentleman. He had earned a Purple Heart, Bronze Star, and Silver Star as an Army soldier during combat in France. I not only had respect for him, but great love. I was very proud of him. You see, that man was my father and his grandson, my nephew.

Many Desert Storm veterans, just like some WWII veterans, were not all Americans. There were some who had not yet received their U.S. citizenship, but fought with and as Americans. They are as loved and respected as any other and some were granted U.S. citizenship while still on the foreign field of engagement. Were they any less thought of as American soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen? Their sacrifices were the same. But this post really is not about veterans. I'm not sure I can explain my point sufficiently although I will try. I think my shock with my dad was his feeling that the Desert Storm veterans had not earned the right to be treated with the same respect and appreciation that his generation had. I might add here that my dad's response to the Desert Storm veterans did an about face after that discussion and I have used it here as an example only.

Because of our painful experiences in life, should we not wish something better for anyone who is going through the same thing or should we take an 'it's not fair' approach?  Should we let those experiences make us compassionate for everyone in our position or should we become bitter and resentful that the outcome for others is not the same as ours? Should we wish good things only for our own or for anyone who has suffered as we have? Was salvation offered to the Jew alone or also to the Gentile? Is it our responsibility to share the Gospel with our countrymen alone or also with those of other nations?  If disaster strikes should we extend a helping hand to ours alone or to anyone in need? If it has been made impossible to extend help to our own should we then refuse to help the foreigner? If there are those who are hungry or naked should we ask where they were born before we offer food and clothing? If a child is in need of medical care that we can provide, should we offer it only to our own or also to the child that is not ours?

The United States of America has been and still is the most compassionate nation in the world. We are undergoing some dreadfully dangerous changes that the majority of us did not choose, but we still remain a nation of people with loving and giving hearts. As we prepare to celebrate the establishment of this great nation, let us remember that God has blessed us tremendously. As we look around at our fellow citizens, let us take note that we do not all look and sound the same but we are no less Americans. I am grateful to be born an American. I am proud to be an American. I am thrilled that my three year old grandson will celebrate his first Independence Day as an American. Because of the grace of God and the compassion of his parents, he has this opportunity - to be an American! So I pray that through our difficulties as a nation and as individuals, we will remain America The Compassionate.
                                                 

Happy Gotcha Day

One year ago today a precious little boy had his forever family. I was in Massachusetts when I got the e-mail from his mommy saying, "We've got him." What beautiful words they were to read. I cannot give thanks and praise enough to God for creating this child. He has brought so much love, laughter, joy, and gratefulness to our lives. To hear him say, "I love you" brings an emotion I cannot even describe. He is not the first of my grandchildren and hopefully not the last. Each one is unique and equally loved. But today is the first anniversary of Harrison's Gotcha Day, as it is called in the world of adoption.

He is all boy. Trucks and swords and playing loud and rough. He has learned English so well he has to be taught Mandarin again. He knows he is Chinese but he knows he is American. He told me the big remote is Chinese so it is his. Haha  He has a little Southern drawl that is more pronounced on some words than others. He knows he is loved.

It's funny how adopted children take on the personalities of their adoptive parents the same way biological children do. It's like God leaves a blank gene to absorb the characteristics of the new family, not the physical traits but definitely the personality and character traits. I know most will say that is learned behavior, but I think it is much more, much deeper than that. Watching one of his favorite movies with him is a repeat of watching movies with his daddy when he was a child. He is saying the script along with the characters. That used to drive his daddy's friends crazy. Many times I have said to him, "You are your father's child.".  Not to relate him only to his daddy, for I know the same applies to his mommy. As his paternal grandmother those are the things I recognize in him.

I don't want him to grow up too fast, but I understand there is no holding that back. So I cherish every moment with him, God has a purpose in bringing this child here, far above just to be a part of us. I know one day God will use him in a mighty way. I may not be here to see it, but I know it will be.

No Joking Matter..

This will be quite different from my regular posts. More serious, much darker, but it is something that concerns me as I watch people on this road of life. In fact it breaks my heart.

Have you ever heard someone talk about hell in a joking way? I am sure we all have. Some of us have been guilty of doing that before we became Christ followers. You know the sayings. "If you get there before I do, save me a seat". Or maybe, "See you there." Or  "All my friends will be there and we will party". And there are many others. I know from my own experience when I was a teen and lost in a world of unforgiveness, that those jokes were just a big show. What they actually showed was that I didn't want to think about the reality of going to hell. Too often what we fear, we joke about. But hell is no joking matter. I know some will say there is no hell, or hell is here on earth. If they truly believe it does not exist, why joke about it. Why address something that doesn't exist? No. There is a hell and it is not here on earth. Some people go through horrible things here, but it is no comparison to what hell will be like.  I know the questions too. "How do you know? Have you ever been?" Thankfully I have never been, nor will I have to go. But I am confident there is a hell. Not, Hades, the grave, but Gehenna, the place of fire and brimstone. This is a place that was prepared for Satan and his angels. A horrible place the human mind cannot even comprehend. Then there is the comment, "If God is love he would never send anyone to hell". God is love. He is also just. He does not send anyone to hell. It is a choice each one must make for themselves. Maybe you think, "No one would choose that". Unfortunately many, many have chosen, are choosing, and will choose hell. By rejecting the Christ who died for their sins, they choose hell.

I wonder sometimes what makes a person who once had a soft heart for God decide to no longer believe. Or one who was curious and interested in learning more suddenly become so anti-God. I know many excuses people use. "I was forced to go to church as a child." "Churches are full of hypocrites." "I don't need God to be a good person." I could go on and on with excuses I have heard. Not one of them is going to mean a thing when these people stand before the One True God. And they will stand before Him and they will bow the knees to Him. We are told in Phillipians 2:10 & 11
"That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;
And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father". That is not speaking of only Christ followers. It speaks also of all those who reject him.

If you are reading this and are one of those who are rejecting Him, I beg you to open your hearts and minds to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Do you feel a stirring inside, an uneasiness that you can't explain? That is Him calling you. Please don't close you heart and mind and reject him still. Please, for it is no joking matter.                                                                                                    

In Honor Of

Today I had a quiet Christmas day with just my fur babies. We do our family Christmas time together on Christmas Eve. Now that all my children are married or on their own they have Christmas day for their own families. We had a wonderful time at my daughter's house last night.

I had planned to roast a small turkey breast when I got home to have for my dinner today, but I was just too tired. It was after 10 p.m. and it had been a long day. As I sat in the semidarkness with just the Christmas tree for light, I pondered over many things. It was my third Christmas without my husband. Although I miss him so much and always will, I can think about him without breaking down. I thought about our times with our children at Christmases past. They are good memories. I thought about what this beautiful holiday is all about. The baby in the manger, the man He would become, His death on the cross for the sins of mankind, for my sins, His resurrection, and the assurance that I will be with Him one day. Then my thoughts turned to the two women who had the greatest influence on my life and I began to plan for today.

I decided my Christmas dinner would be in honor of them. Normally things are done in memory of someone who has died, but I chose this to be in honor of and not memory of them. I became as excited planning my dinner as I did when I was a little girl planning a tea party with my dolls & stuffed animals. I planned what dishes I would use and why. I planned my menu which was pretty simple and straight forward.

This morning I got started on my cooking. I had brought a couple of things home from our Christmas Eve dinner. I roasted my turkey, made my dressing, and gravy. For me a complete meal would be dressing, gravy, a little bit of turkey, cranberry sauce, and a deviled egg. But I know I needed some vegetables so I heated some beans and corn. Of course, no Southern Christmas dinner is complete without sweet tea (although mine was sweetened with Stevia not sugar).

Now for the ladies I was honoring. My mother, Bennie Bell Sutton, and her mother, my grandmother, Emma Phillips Bell. My mother was one of the most generous people I have ever known. Although her health was never really good, she was always doing for others. She sang hymns when she washed the dishes, hung the clothes on the line, or shucked corn. She bound our family tightly together and her loss was a great one. My grandmother always made me feel that I was the most important grandchild she had and she had a lot. I am sure she loved us all the same, but it was just her way to make each of us feel special. She told me Bible stories the way a child could understand and be excited about what she was hearing.

I used a hodgepodge of dishes in honor of my two special women. My turkey and dressing and my cranberry sauce were on dishes that belonged to Mama. The deviled eggs and my chocolate meringue pie were on dishes that belonged to Grandma. The divided vegetable dish, salt & pepper shakers, and the teapot are all of the same pattern Grandma used, Autumn Leaf by Hall. Those from the south who are old enough may remember the Jewel Tea man. His truck would come to houses and sell tea as well as dishes and other kitchen necessities and he was a regular at my grandmother's house. Now you can find these dishes in antique stores or on web sites. They are not only beautiful but very durable. So this explains my choices for dishes.

I know there were others today who ate alone and maybe it was a little selfish of me not to share my meal with them. I just needed to be alone to honor the two special women in my life who helped make me who I am today.

God Sent A Child

It is so amazing how our God knows what we need, when we need it, and how it will change our lives forever. In my last post I told you that I have been going through a difficult time with grief. Some people think that after a year, everything should be back to normal. Even after 2 years it's not back to normal. There will never again be the same normal. A new normal will eventually find its place.

After my trip to Massachusetts I was filled with anticipation for the day my son and daughter-in-law would return from China with my new grandson. I knew that this was going to be a very traumatic time for a 2 & 1/2 year old. I knew it was going to be traumatic for my son and daughter-in-law as well. Even though they had looked forward to the day when he would be theirs, it would be no easy introduction. I only got three messages while they were away. One to let me know they had arrived safely in Beijing. One to let me know that Harrison was with them. The last was his picture. He was brought to them on 6/30/2014. On 7/1/2014 he officially became their son, my grandson.

On 7/11/2014 I drove to the airport to wait. Before they arrived my son texted me. "No crying. It upsets Harrison." I didn't want to cry. I couldn't stop grinning. Their plane was early and people began to enter. I stood their with my camera ready even though I was not close to the door they would come through. Finally, I saw my son. There behind him was my daughter-in-law holding the hand of the most beautiful little boy. Harrison was home. He was shy, but very interested in the Marine Bear that stands inside the airport. Near the baggage claim area is a case with model airplanes inside. That is where I was able to get near him. He was fascinated with the planes. We stood there looking & repeating "plane". I took them home and helped get the luggage in. I hugged my son & daughter-in-law. Harrison, still in his daddy's arms, leaned over and put his cheek against mine. That did it! I had to turn and leave. Once the door closed behind me the tears fell. I had to thank God for this precious child he had placed in our lives.

In the past almost 2 & 1/2 weeks I have had the blessed opportunity to spend a lot of time with Harrison. Last week I stayed with him when his parents went back to work. We have bonded well.He calls me GraMa just as all my other precious grandchildren. He hugs and kisses me. He loves my cell phone because it has videos of him, and there are a lot. He interacts well with all our family members. He is proving to be very intelligent. It is amazing to watch him use the cell phone or his Leap Frog. He absolutely loves to play basketball. He does not make a fuss when it is nap time as long as you read his favorite book a few times. He is big for his age. He is doing very well with his English, but lapses into Mandarin occasionally. He has stolen my heart.

I think of our God and how when there was no answer for the state of mankind, He sent a Child.
Then I see the time of my own sense of helplessness and God sent a child. Amazing love!

Massachusetts Trip

I really thought things would get easier as time went on without my husband. They haven't. In fact things have been really difficult. I don't want to whine. I am blessed to have children, friends, and church family to love and be loved by. I do miss my husband, though. So much!!! To the point that my physician thought I needed grief counseling. He asked me if we had someone at church that would be available. Thankfully we do and I contacted him about setting up an appointment. However, he had to have some surgery on his vocal cords and was unable to counsel for a time.

In the meantime I decided to go to Massachusetts to see my husband's family. I was so excited about the trip the grief was not such a problem. My oldest sister-in-law is not in good health and I knew I needed to go then. I also picked a time that would get me back home before my son and daughter-in-law would have to go to China to bring my new grandson home.

Best laid plans! My trip was planned, tickets purchased, rooms booked, arrangements made for pets. My oldest daughter and youngest granddaughter would go with me. My daughter-in-law would take care of my cats while I was away and I planned to board my dogs. I would take care of their cats and keep one of their dogs, Gabby, when they went to China. Then the call came. They had travel approval to go to China and would leave on June 25th, the same day we planned to stay overnight in Raleigh before our flight out on the 26th. So we did some scrambling. A friend from church & my youngest daughter would take care of the cats. My son-in-law, whose wife and daughter were going with me, would keep Gabby till I got back.

So on 6/25 I took my son & daughter-in law to the airport. Spent the rest of the morning getting ready to leave myself and then we drove to Raleigh. We flew to Hartford, CT on 6/26 and drove a rental to Massachusetts. It was a wonderful trip. We stayed in Springfield and had a beautiful view from our 11th floor window.

Night view of Springfield, MA

Was so good to see family and tell them how much I love them all. I did not get to see my husband's brother and his family. They had a high school graduation and other plans. I would loved to have seen them too.

We spent a day in Old Deerfield Village sightseeing. A beautiful and historic place. The old cemetery is a touching place. Many buried there were killed in an Indian Massacre. The Indian House was one that was attacked. The museum there houses the original door from the house and you can see the opening that was chopped into the door.

Old Deerfield Cemetery

The Indian House

Original Door From The Indian House

We visited the small town of Ashfield where my husband grew up.

Ashfield Town Hall

Apple Valley, Ashfield

We went to the town of Shelburne Falls where there is an old trolley bridge leading to the town of Buckland. When the bridge was no longer used, the two towns made it into a walking bridge planted with beautiful flowers. It is maintained by both towns.

Bridge of Flowers

 There are also ancient glacial pot holes here which are quite unique.

Glacier Pot Holes

We ate twice at a great little place in Greenfield, MA. called Village Pizza. If you are ever in Greenfield, trust me, you DO want to eat there. Three generation family owned business with great Italian food & fantastic service. Just know that one plate of spaghetti and meatballs will feed three people.

We flew back home on 7/1 and the wait began for my new grandson. More to follow.

Atheists Welcome

I have not subscribed to a newspaper in years. A few weeks ago I said,"Why not?" and took a short subscription. I have enjoyed it for the most part. I like to read the letters to the editor, half-heartedly work the crossword puzzles, check the obituaries for the passing of anyone I might have known, and read the local happenings. I never read the horoscopes. I rarely read the advice column, but recently I did. Since I missed the actual letter that all the responses were concerning, I am going strictly on responses themselves. Response from the columnist. Responses from other readers. All about that one letter.

Apparently it was regarding a mixed marriage. No, not racial but religious. One spouse is religious and wants them both to attend church and the other is an atheist. I don't know if these were their feelings before they married or if they occurred after. What confused me were the responses to the situation. I realize being "religious" means nothing to God. It is the state of the heart and the relationship with Christ that matters. I would say the responses were an attempt to be politically correct, but I think they were totally sincere in their advice. So you are probably wondering what the advice was.

Almost all suggested that the couple attend another church where the atheist spouse would feel comfortable. There was talk about a church that would preach living a good life, spiritual enlightenment, etc. You get the idea I am sure. I don't know why I was surprised, but I found it mind-boggling that not one letter suggested that the "religious" spouse earnestly petition God in prayer for the "atheist" spouse. That is not to say that none were sent, but none were printed.

I have many friends whose spouses will not attend church with them. They still love each other. However, in the cases of my friends, the believers pray earnestly and request prayers from others for the unbelieving spouses. God hears our prayers. The answers may not come in a time period we would like, but we continue to pray.

So should Bible preaching churches welcome the atheist? I think our churches should encourage attendance by all. They are not just places for Christ followers to recharge and find fellowship. They are places where the lost hear the Gospel, the Holy Spirit can deal with hearts, and church members can serve God and others. At least that is what they are suppose to be. We ARE to show love to the lost and not beat them with the Gospel. This does not mean we avoid the Truth of Scripture. It must be taught and preached in It's entirety. We are not to excuse or condone sin, but we are to love the sinner. For what are we, but sinners forgiven through the blood of Christ? Some may enter our churches with the intent to disrupt. That has certainly happened many times in many churches. However, while there they might be drawn by the Holy Spirit to accept the Truth and be unbelieving no more. 

Why Adopt A Rescue Pet?

I have a new family member. She is the sweetest little thing and cute as can be. She is an 8 year old Beagle mix named Luna.

Luna

Just as I did with Marcus, I found her on the Pet Finder web site. She had been rescued by the same humane society that took Marcus in, Colonial Capital. I debated on whether I wanted to adopt another dog. I mean, it's not like I don't have any pets already (O'Malley, O'Connor, and Maximus-cats & Marcus-dog). I felt Marcus needed company when I have to be away from home for a few hours at a time, the cats are getting really tired of Marcus licking their faces, and I knew I have more than enough love to go around. So I began my search. It did not take long. Just as with Marcus, I was drawn to a picture.

What was I looking for? A smaller dog than Marcus. He weighs 54 lbs and is as gentle as can be, but I knew I would never find another dog his size with his temperament. After my fixation on the picture, I checked out the details. Age 8 - hmmm a little older than I expected to adopt but she needs a forever home, too. Spayed - yes. House broken - yes :) . Then the most important information. Good with other dogs - yes. Good with cats - yes. Good with children - yes. I then checked out the past history. Rescued from an animal hoarder. Oh, poor baby.

I filled out an adoption application and it was arranged for me to meet Luna. Her foster parents brought her to my home. She came right in and licked Marcus in the face (now he knows how the cats feel). Great start!! To my delight, the foster parents told me she loves to ride and go walking at Union Point Park! Perfect since Marcus and I do a lot of both. It was not easy for her foster parents to leave her here for they had grown to love her. Within a few hours Luna was at home and stretched out on the couch. Marcus spent the afternoon pouting but that did not last. She has shown no anxiety at all (except today at the vet's office where she sat her 27 trembling pounds on my lap). She is healthy, maybe a little chunky, minds well, needs a little more leash training but we are working on that.

So why adopt a rescue pet? Because we need them as much as they need us. Some have been treated horribly, neglected, or abandoned. My mother use to tell me as a child that I would take every stray that came along if she would let me. She was right. I have always loved dogs and cats. I know some people are "dog people" and some are "cat people". I am both. My son found my oldest cat, O'Malley, in a corn field when he was just a kitten. The others, O'Connor and Maximus (brothers), were feral and I trapped them as kittens. As I posted in August, 2012 after adopting Marcus, he was rescued from the flood waters of Hurricane Irene. So all my animals are rescue pets. They fill my home with unconditional love. Now my little family is complete.

Many people prefer specific breeds and purchase their pets or receive them as gifts and there is nothing wrong with that. For those who may be thinking about a pet, I only ask you to consider a rescue pet. The price of adoption is usually far less than you would pay anywhere else and the money goes to support the animals who have been and will be rescued. It warms your heart when you look at them and know you have given them a better life than they have ever known. It's so worth it!

Sometimes, But Not Always

Recently someone put a short video on Facebook. It truly moved me. It was of a group of people who live in a country that is hostile to Christianity. The people had received Bibles. Their reactions brought me to tears. Not just because it was such an emotional time for them, but because it made me ashamed of my own lack of appreciation for the Word of God. They cried. They kissed their new Bibles. They held them tightly to their hearts. Others were immediately reading. There was a question under the video. "Do you respond the same way when you open yours?"

Well, that question sure hit me right between the eyes & right in my heart. How we take for granted the ability to hold God's Word in our hands! I don't just have one Bible. I have many-Thompson Chain King James Version, my New American Standard Inductive Study Bible, The Names of God Bible, The Complete Jewish Bible, the Interlinear English Hebrew Greek Bible, and several older Bibles which just fell apart but I kept. Blessed beyond belief, as so many of us are. So how do I respond when I open one of my Bibles? Do I hold it close to my heart? Do I kiss it? Do I cry? Do I immediately delve into the knowledge God has left for me?

I will say that I do love to read and study the Word. I believe that the best resource for understanding Scripture is Scripture itself. Not a new concept, but one I learned through the inductive study method. But do I take for granted that it is so accessible? Yes, I do. We discussed this tonight in our ladies Bible study. Persecution will come, even here. The only way to prepare for it, is to be immersed in the Word. To be immersed in the Word, you must study. The beginning is to open your Bible.

The answer I posted to that question, "Do you respond the same way when you open yours?"?
'Sometimes, but not always - and that is not good enough.'

"Be diligent to present yourselves approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth." II Timothy 2:15 NASB
"Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." II Timothy 2:15 KJV

Waiting For Harrison

In November, 2013, I posted on my blog that my son & daughter-in-law are in the process of adopting a little boy from China. It is now March, 2014 and we are waiting. Finally all the paperwork has reached China. We were all hoping they would be able to bring him home the end of this month. However, they were told it would take 4-6 months for approval to travel into China. I must admit I am so disappointed, but that doesn't come close to how his parents feel. There have been Harrison showers with loads of toys, books, & clothes given by friends and family. Everyone just wants so much to be a part of his life.

I know that God has a purpose in all things. Therefore, I know He has a purpose in this delay. I also know that He can choose to open this door sooner. Of course, that is what the mother and grandmother side of me is hoping for. I have to stay focused on His Word and trust His will. I also have to pray. This is what the Lord wants & expects us to do, during the good times and the difficult times.

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.'
Jeremiah 29:11,12 NASB

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?"
Romans 8:28,31 NASB

So we carry on till God removes the obstacles that keep us waiting for Harrison.

I've Been Blessed

In less than 1 hour a new year will  begin. When we are young we seem to think time stands still. It doesn't. We think we will never get older. We will. We think (or hope) life will always bring joy. It won't. I'm not being a defeatist. On the contrary, I am grateful this is how life goes.

It has been a hard year emotionally. March 24, 2013 marked the 1 year anniversary of my husband's leaving this world and entering his eternal home. I am sure to him it seems but a moment since he was welcomed there. I miss him more tonight than ever before, but I am happy he is rejoicing in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There have been disappointments, illnesses and/or deaths of friends, and financial challenges through this year of 2013. Through it all I have had and still have the assurance that God is in control. As I said in a previous post, He is enough.

I have been blessed in 2013 in more ways than I could ever begin to list. No huge miraculous occurrences in my life that I am aware of. Not saying there weren't any, just saying I wasn't aware of any. I know God intervenes many times when we never realize it. There have been some miraculous events in the lives of friends. An automobile accident that destroyed a car and the occupants were unharmed. There has been healing. There has been strengthening & remissions. For all of these I thank and praise Him.

The next few paragraphs will be filled with I's. Not as a means of boasting, but as a testimony to the grace of God.

I have a warm place to lay my head. I have food for my table. I have the love of children and grandchildren.  I have friendship. I have the most loving church family anyone could ever ask for. I have cats who want my attention. I have a dog who loves me unconditionally. Not bad so far, right?

I can hold the Word of God in my hands! I have Christian music to listen to, Christian movies to watch, and Christian books to read. I have the freedom to go to church and worship without fear of imprisonment. Thus far I have the right to share the gospel with anyone willing to listen. I have lived on this earth, in this free country, for 64 years. I have been a born-again, child of the One True God for almost 49 of those years. I awake each morning and go to sleep each night with the knowledge that my heavenly Father will never leave me nor forsake me.

I look forward to what God has planned for me in this new year. I am eagerly awaiting the adoption of my soon-to-be sixth grandchild, third grandson. It's been 11 years since there was a 2 year old in the family. I am excited. I am sure their will be ballgames to attend for my granddaughter, birthdays to celebrate with family, graduation for one of my grandsons, activities and ways to serve at church.

So - you are almost here, 2014. I'm ready.