From The Valley Of Despond

Pilgrim's Progress. My favorite book. A true allegory of the Christian struggle.

It's been some time since my last post. I have just been unable to write. You see, I found myself in the Valley of Despond. It took several weeks for the reality of the loss of my husband to settle in, facing the fact that he wasn't coming back. With that realization, I entered the valley. I wasn't there because I doubted my faith or my God. I was there because I grieved the loss of my one true love on this earth.

At age 19 I left my parents' home and became the wife of a 21 year old Marine. We were just two kids, really. (In fact, while going through pictures with my daughters after Al died, they looked at our wedding picture & said we actually looked liked a cake topper.) The day before our first anniversary, we became parents of a beautiful, dark-haired little girl. When she was less than 3 months old, Al was deployed for a year. After returning, he gave his heart to Christ & I rededicated my life when our pastor visited our home. Although I was saved at age 15, I had drifted from God for about 2 years. Life was better when we were serving God. We bought a home. We welcomed the birth of our beautiful little auburn-haired daughter. We had struggles and some hardships through the next few years. At age 31 I delivered a 9 lb 5 oz precious boy. Our lives became so much more active with the arrival of him. We saw our children become adults. We had the incomparable joy of becoming grandparents.

God blessed us in so many ways. He saw us through times when I wanted to just walk away from my marriage, and I'm sure there were many times Al wanted to do the same. I thank God that at those times, He always made sure we didn't do something so destructive to our family. So for 43 years we honored the commitment we had made to each other. I cannot imagine how hollow my life would have been without Al. He was the better part of me.

I know that staying in the valley is not an option and it is time to climb out. It won't be easy and there will still be times that I just want to be by myself. Al is now in the presence of the Lord, and I am to continue serving Him here. Just as Christian in Pilgrim's Progress made it through the Valley of Despond, so will I.